July | 2024 | Just Now Therapy: BLOG

Young adult girl smiling with her head back in a field at sunset, symbolizing the positive impact of self-esteem counseling and personal growth through therapy.

Who wouldn’t want to be the most liked and popular person in the room? The kind of person who walks in, and all eyes are on them, admiring their presence. This imagined status comes with perks—high social standing, more opportunities, and the feeling of being desirable and valued. For many, especially younger individuals, this kind of popularity seems like the ultimate goal. But what happens when low self-esteem or a lack of confidence makes this dream feel out of reach, or worse, when it feels like a lie even if you achieve it?

This is where imposter syndrome comes into play. Imposter syndrome is a psychological phenomenon where individuals, often those who have achieved significant success, feel unworthy of their accomplishments. They believe they’ve somehow fooled others into thinking they’re more capable than they truly are. Often, this feeling stems from low self-esteem or a lack of confidence, coupled with an underlying sense of shame. Let’s explore these concepts further.

Understanding Self-Esteem and Confidence

Self-esteem is all about how you value yourself. It’s the sense of self-worth you carry, shaped by your experiences and the messages you’ve received throughout life. People who grew up in toxic or dysfunctional environments often internalize negative messages about their worth, leading to low self-esteem. They may see themselves as less valuable or important than others, a belief that can persist into adulthood and affect their ability to build meaningful relationships or pursue goals.

On the other hand, confidence is about your belief in your abilities. You might have low self-esteem but still feel confident in your ability to perform certain tasks. For example, reading is a skill you’ve developed over time, and you likely feel confident in your ability to read a blog post like this one. But confidence can be situational. Imagine being asked to read aloud to a large audience—your confidence might waver, even though your reading ability hasn’t changed.

The key difference is that self-esteem relates to your overall sense of worth, while confidence is specific to your abilities. Someone might feel confident in their work skills but still struggle with low self-esteem, or they might have high self-esteem but feel uncertain about specific tasks. The interplay between these two aspects can significantly impact how you perceive and approach life.

What Is Imposter Syndrome?

Imposter syndrome is the feeling that you’ve deceived others into thinking you’re more competent or deserving than you believe yourself to be. It’s a common experience among high achievers who feel their success is due to luck or timing rather than their abilities. This syndrome often goes hand in hand with feelings of shame—a deeply ingrained belief that you’re inherently flawed or unworthy.

Shame differs from guilt in that it’s not about feeling bad for something you’ve done, but rather feeling that there’s something fundamentally wrong with who you are. This feeling can drive people with imposter syndrome to engage in harmful coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse, to numb the discomfort of feeling like a fraud. It’s a destructive cycle that therapy can help break by addressing the root causes of these feelings.

How Therapy Can Help Build Self-Esteem and Confidence

Online therapy offers a powerful space for exploring and overcoming these deeply ingrained beliefs. By unraveling the patterns and messages that have shaped your self-esteem and confidence, therapy helps you understand why you feel the way you do. Often, these patterns originate in childhood, when we absorb messages from authority figures and society about our worth and abilities. In therapy, you can begin to challenge these messages and develop a healthier, more authentic sense of self.

A significant part of this process involves reparenting—revisiting the messages you received growing up and rewriting them. Therapy helps you identify the negative scripts that have been playing in your mind and empowers you to replace them with more positive, self-affirming beliefs. This reparenting process is crucial for overcoming imposter syndrome and building genuine self-esteem and confidence.

The Long-Term Benefits of Therapy

Building self-esteem and confidence through therapy is a journey that requires patience and commitment. The more deeply entrenched the negative messages, the more time it may take to unravel and replace them. But the rewards are worth the effort. As you develop a stronger sense of self, you’ll find it easier to pursue your goals, build healthy relationships, and experience life with greater confidence and authenticity.

It’s also important to recognize that if you’ve experienced significant psychological abuse, such as emotional or physical abuse, this process may take longer. Therapy can help you navigate these challenges, providing a safe space to heal and grow.

Conclusion: Embracing Your True Self

In summary, self-esteem, self-confidence, and imposter syndrome are interconnected aspects of how you see yourself and your place in the world. The messages you’ve internalized throughout your life play a significant role in shaping these feelings, but they don’t have to define you. Online therapy can help you address the underlying causes of these issues, allowing you to rewrite your internal scripts and build a life that reflects your true values and strengths.

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Girl looking out a window with a blurry cityscape, symbolizing contemplation and the introspective nature of depression. Online counseling for depression can provide support and clarity.

Depression is often viewed through the lens of the medical model, where symptoms are identified and treated much like a physical illness. While this approach has its merits, it can sometimes oversimplify the complexities of mental health. Depression, in particular, is often a natural response to difficult circumstances, and the symptoms we experience—such as persistent sadness, loss of interest in activities, and low energy—are the consequences of underlying behaviors and thought patterns. Understanding these deeper issues is key to managing and ultimately overcoming depression.

When clients come to therapy, they usually present with the classic symptoms of depression. It’s common to focus on these symptoms first, as they are often the most distressing aspects of the condition. However, just as a headache might be a symptom of dehydration, the feelings of sadness and low energy associated with depression are often indicators of a broader issue. The goal of therapy isn’t just to alleviate these symptoms temporarily but to address the root causes so that the symptoms don’t keep returning.

Beyond Coping: Addressing the Root Causes of Depression

Many clients come to therapy seeking coping strategies to manage their symptoms, hoping these will provide quick relief. While coping strategies can be helpful in the short term, they often don’t address the underlying behaviors that contribute to depression. As a licensed therapist, my focus is on helping clients become aware of these behaviors so that they can make more informed choices. There are specific patterns of behavior that can lead to depression, and by recognizing and altering these patterns, clients can begin to see lasting change.

Depression isn’t simply the result of life’s difficulties. Two people can experience the same challenging event, but their reactions can be vastly different. This is because our interpretations and responses to situations are shaped by our perspectives. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a well-established approach, is particularly effective in helping clients reframe their thoughts and develop a more positive outlook. By changing the way we think about our experiences, we can influence our behaviors and, ultimately, our emotional well-being.

The Role of Online Counseling in Managing Depression

So, how can online counseling help if you’re struggling with depression? As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, online therapy offers the same benefits as in-person therapy, with the added convenience of being accessible from your own home. This can be especially beneficial for those with severe depression, where leaving the house might feel overwhelming. Online therapy can provide the initial push needed to begin the therapeutic process, especially when motivation is low.

Once in an online therapy session, the work begins with building awareness of the behaviors and thoughts that contribute to your depression. One of the first hurdles is often assessing whether you’re ready to make changes. It might seem counterintuitive, but many people find comfort in their depression. It’s a familiar state, and the idea of stepping out of it can be frightening. This is why therapy often starts with exploring these feelings and understanding the role that depression plays in your life.

Building Awareness and Control

In therapy, we focus on increasing your awareness of the behaviors that lead to depression. Through consistent observation and feedback, I help clients recognize patterns that might otherwise go unnoticed. Once you become aware of these behaviors, you gain the power to change them. Awareness brings control, and with control comes the ability to choose actions that lead to more positive outcomes. This can include being more productive, engaging with the world around you, and experiencing life with greater motivation.

Another important aspect of online counseling is exploring the more existential questions that often arise during young adulthood. This stage of life is filled with significant decisions—about careers, relationships, and personal identity. These decisions can be overwhelming, and when faced with too many choices or challenges, it’s easy to feel paralyzed. Therapy can help you navigate these big questions and find your authentic path, building a life that reflects your true values and goals.

The Comprehensive Approach to Depression

Depression therapy isn’t just about managing symptoms; it’s about understanding the full scope of what contributes to your mental health. It involves exploring your behaviors, thought patterns, and the larger existential issues that shape your life. In online therapy, we can use a combination of CBT, mindfulness, and existential approaches like Gestalt therapy to address these different aspects of depression. This holistic approach helps you not only reduce symptoms but also create meaningful, lasting change in your life.

Conclusion: Embracing the Journey to Recovery

In summary, depression is more than just the symptoms you experience; it’s a complex condition that involves your thoughts, behaviors, and the larger questions of life. By addressing these underlying issues through online counseling, you can begin to make lasting changes that improve your overall well-being. If you’re ready to take the first step toward recovery, online therapy provides a convenient and effective way to get started.