Category Archives: Mindfulness and Personal Growth

How Many Frogs Must I Kiss? Why Finding the “Right” Therapist is Hard Work (But Worth It)

Cartoon frog representing the challenge of finding the right therapist, highlighting the hard work of therapy and the importance of a strong therapist-client relationship. Online therapy tips and advice.

How many frogs must I kiss until I find my true prince… er… therapist? For some, finding a great therapist happens on the first try, but for many, it can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack. So, why is it so hard to find the right therapist, and what can you do about it? Let’s break it down.

System Problem: The System Needs to Change

Traditional one-on-one therapy, while still widely used, feels outdated. The model was created over a century ago, back when a slower pace of life made face-to-face sessions for an hour or longer the best option. Today, even though life moves faster, therapy hasn’t evolved much.

Originally, therapy followed a doctor-patient model, with therapists as the “experts,” spending a lot of time talking with “patients”, because mental health issues are invisible through direct observation. So, therapists had to gather a thorough history of symptoms and context to then decide what is wrong and how to treat it.

Today, most people seek therapy for normal life challenges—relationship struggles, anxiety, or grief—rather than serious mental illness. There is less emphasis on symptoms and treatment, and more emphasis on compassionate understanding. Because of this, therapists are trained very broadly to handle a range of normative as well as more serious mental health issues. This generalist approach often leaves them as jacks of all trades but masters of none.

In grad school, we get vague advice like “Reflect what people say” or “Explore coping strategies.” While potentially helpful, it often doesn’t prepare new therapists to give the concrete help clients want. That’s why some therapists struggle to give more than surface-level advice.

Personally, I found this approach unsatisfying, so I sought out my own answers. Now, I have a valuable toolkit of practical strategies to help clients, but not every therapist goes that extra mile. When you’re looking for a therapist, find one who goes beyond the basics, like specializing in a particular therapy or approach (other than basic CBT).

Therapists Need Therapy Too

Therapists are required to go through therapy themselves, and for good reason. However, supervision—which is like therapy for therapists—can be hit or miss. Some supervisors focus on case studies and coping strategies, which perpetuates the same system issues I mentioned earlier.

Good supervision helped me grow both personally and professionally, giving me tools to help others and encouraging me to do my own hard work. Not all therapists put in that effort, though, and it shows.

While there’s no surefire way to tell if a therapist has done their personal work, there are clues. Do they show up to sessions on time? Do they seem confident and engaged? Do they set healthy boundaries? These signs show they’ve invested in their growth, which makes them more capable of guiding yours.

Give a therapist 3-5 sessions to see how consistent they are and whether they bring value. Trust your judgment—if something feels off, it probably is.

The Relationship Is Crucial

Whether you view therapy as treatment or a space to vent, the success of therapy hinges on the relationship you build with your therapist. Trust, rapport, and comfort are key to progress.

The best way to foster this relationship? Ask questions. Many clients hesitate to ask their therapist personal or process-related questions, but remember, they work for you. You should feel empowered to get to know them.

That said, your therapist isn’t your friend or romantic partner. While building rapport is important, therapists maintain professional boundaries to keep the relationship focused on your growth.

If you’re not curious about your therapist or don’t feel a connection, ask yourself why you’re continuing therapy with them. Openness and curiosity go both ways.

What Therapy Is—and Isn’t

Therapy, like any profession, has its limits. You wouldn’t expect your general doctor to perform heart surgery, right? Similarly, therapists can’t do everything, and they aren’t mind-readers or magicians.

Some therapists specialize in working with specific populations—like kids, couples, or trauma survivors—so it’s important to find someone with the right expertise for your needs. If you expect your therapist to have all the answers or “fix” you, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

Therapy is about building awareness. Your therapist acts as a mirror, helping you see your patterns and choices (and potential tools) more clearly. Once you have that awareness, you can decide whether to make changes or continue as you are. But remember, it’s up to you to do the work.

Is therapy worth it? Absolutely! When you invest in yourself, your life improves, and you gain tools that last a lifetime. Finding the right therapist can make all the difference in your journey.

TOP 12 WAYS TO FIND A GOOD THERAPIST

I could go on forever about the difference between good and bad therapy or therapists, but to keep it simple, here’s my top 12 list of tips for finding the right therapist and good therapy:

  1. Familiarize yourself with therapy: Know what type of therapy you’re looking for—CBT, Psychodynamic, Gestalt, etc. as well as for family, couples, or individual. Understanding these modalities helps you make an informed choice.
  2. Assess yourself first: What are your goals for therapy? What are you hoping to get out of it? Be clear about your expectations, even though they may evolve as you go along.
  3. Shop around: Don’t just settle for the first therapist you meet. Try out 2-3 therapists, and compare. You’ll know which one “wins” after those initial sessions.
  4. Give it time: Give your therapist at least 3-5 sessions before deciding if they’re right for you. It may seem like a lot, but this time allows you to see how consistent they are and what they truly bring to the table.
  5. Ask questions: Ask your therapist questions about themselves and their approach. You’re building a relationship, so it’s only fair to get to know them.
  6. Manage your expectations: Therapy is not a magic solution, and your therapist doesn’t know everything. Keep your expectations realistic.
  7. Consider alternatives: Sometimes therapy might not be what you’re really after. Maybe what you actually want is a supportive friend, a mentor, or a motivational speaker. Be clear with yourself on what you’re actually seeking.
  8. Don’t box yourself in: Many people stick to certain criteria, like only wanting a female therapist or someone young. Be open to trying a therapist outside your typical preferences—you might be surprised!
  9. Pick the right therapy for you: Don’t try to make individual therapy work for couples’ issues, or do telehealth therapy if you’ve got bad internet. Match the therapy to your needs and limitations.
  10. Do your own work: Therapy is your work, not the therapist’s. They’re a guide, not a miracle worker. You’ve got to put in the effort, just like exercising!
  11. Let go of bias from bad experiences: If you’ve had bad therapists in the past, don’t assume the next one will suck too. Give the new therapist a fair chance.
  12. Therapy is worth the investment: Sure, therapy can be expensive, but it’s an investment in your entire life. Therapists provide you with lifelong tools, not just a one-time service. The cost is worth it when you think of the value long-term.

Ready to explore the benefits of online therapy?
Schedule a session with me today and take the first step towards better mental health.
Schedule Now

Mindfulness Therapy for Young Adults

Woman sitting in a calm lake landscape setting in the early morning drinking coffee, symbolizing mindfulness in the present moment and online counseling for mindfulness for young adults in life transitions.

Life is full of transitions, whether it’s moving from childhood to adolescence, from young adulthood into midlife, or even adjusting to new roles as we age. These changes are a natural part of life, but they can also be challenging. Events like graduating from college, starting a new job, or moving to a new city are milestones that can bring both excitement and anxiety. Even positive changes can be stressful, and it’s during these times that mindfulness therapy can be particularly beneficial.

Mindfulness therapy helps you stay grounded during life’s transitions. Our bodies and minds crave stability, but change is inevitable. When faced with new challenges or uncertainties, our natural reaction is often to resist. This resistance can manifest as anxiety, stress, or even avoidance of the change altogether. But, avoiding change can lead to stagnation, where you miss out on growth and opportunities.

When clients come to therapy to deal with life transitions, mindfulness is one of the most effective tools I use. It’s not just a trendy buzzword; it’s a powerful technique that has proven effective across a range of mental health conditions, including anxiety, depression, ADHD, and trauma. Mindfulness, in particular, has gained significant popularity over the past decade, surpassing even cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) as a go-to approach for many therapists.

What Exactly Is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is about being fully present and aware of the moment you’re in. It’s about noticing everything—your thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, and the environment around you—without judgment. Many people think they are already aware of their surroundings, but true mindfulness goes deeper. It involves tuning into every detail, so much so that you can almost feel time moving. This level of awareness isn’t easy to achieve, but with practice, it becomes second nature.

In therapy, we often use specific mindfulness exercises to help build this awareness. These exercises can be practiced both in and out of sessions, allowing you to develop mindfulness as a skill. In sessions, I pay close attention to everything you say and do—the words you choose, your tone of voice, and your nonverbal cues. Often, I’ll share observations with you about patterns or behaviors that seem “loud” to me—those that stand out and recur frequently.

One of the great things about mindfulness is that once you notice something, you can’t unsee it. Awareness gives you a choice: you can continue a behavior, change it, or choose to do something entirely different. This awareness is key to making informed decisions about your life and your reactions to changes.

Mindfulness in Therapy: More Than Just a Trend

Mindfulness isn’t just a fad; it’s a core element of effective therapy, especially for those navigating life transitions. It’s similar to Gestalt therapy in that both approaches emphasize awareness. However, while Gestalt therapy often involves experimenting with unfinished business, mindfulness focuses purely on the present moment without judgment.

You might be tempted to think of mindfulness as a form of meditation, but they are not exactly the same. While meditation often involves emptying the mind or focusing on a single thought, mindfulness encourages awareness of everything happening in the present moment. Meditation can sometimes be used as an avoidance strategy—something that mindfulness seeks to overcome.

Avoidance is a common issue, especially during transitions. Whether it’s the discomfort of a new job, the anxiety of moving to a new city, or the sadness of leaving a familiar environment, our instinct is often to avoid these feelings. However, avoidance only delays the inevitable and can exacerbate stress and anxiety in the long run. Mindfulness, on the other hand, encourages you to face these feelings head-on, giving you the tools to handle them effectively.

How Mindfulness Therapy Helps with Life Transitions

Mindfulness therapy is particularly useful for young adults facing significant life transitions. Whether you’re navigating your first job, dealing with a breakup, or moving to a new city, the principles of mindfulness can help you manage the stress that comes with change. By staying present and fully aware, you can approach these transitions with a sense of calm and control.

In therapy, I help clients build this awareness through specific tools and exercises. We work on recognizing and understanding your thoughts and feelings as they arise, giving you the power to choose how to respond. This is crucial because the more aware you are of your internal experiences, the more control you have over your actions and decisions.

Mindfulness therapy also helps in setting boundaries, which is essential during times of transition. Whether it’s saying no to extra responsibilities at work or ensuring you have time for self-care, being mindful helps you recognize your limits and assert them in a healthy way.

Conclusion: Embracing Change with Mindfulness

In conclusion, mindfulness therapy offers young adults a valuable tool for navigating life’s transitions. By building awareness and staying present, you gain more control over your reactions and can face changes with confidence. While transitions can be challenging, they also offer opportunities for growth. With mindfulness, you can embrace these changes and move forward with clarity and purpose.

Ready to explore the benefits of online therapy?
Schedule a session with me today and take the first step towards better mental health.
Schedule Now